Drunken Deer Hunter!

Last Thursday night, a few of us from The Times-Picayune staff gathered at a local bar called Witt's Inn to partake in some extra circular activities (pool, drinkin' and generally bein' awesome).

Soon after arriving at the Inn, I noticed a man in his 60's that didn't look like he had a particular group of people he was with. What tipped me off to this assumption was that he was stumbling around pretty drunk and walking around the bar like he was speed. Maybe he was, but for the sake of me not knowing so, we'll just presume he was incredibly drunk.

During a game a pool, I noticed Bobby McDrunkerson (that'll be his name from here on out) had stumbled his way over to the Deer Hunter video game, the one where you get to hold a fake electronic gun and shoot deer and birds on the screen.

Even though I'm playing pool, my interest turns to Mr. Drunkerson as I watch him try to de-wrinkle a dollar bill on a table near him. For about five minutes. Once he finally got done rubbing the dollar bill on the table, he put it into the machine, but not before he knocked over his ash-tray, which was teetering on the game.

Now I'm actually starting to laugh out loud a little bit (that's lol for all of you youngins') and watching him more and more instead of playing pool. The game starts, and McDrunks picks up his fake gun, which, thank God wasn't a real one, because what unfolded was possibly the funniest and potentially scariest thing I've seen.

He picks up the gun, the game starts and the guy can't even hold the gun straight. Not only that, he's wavering back and forth like there's 50 mph winds hitting him from both directions. So, needless to say, he can't hit anything on screen. Oh, and did I mention he's about an inch from the screen?

Yes, he's practically got the gun touching the screen and he still can't hit anything. Marvelous. Thankfully, it wasn't a real gun because he probably would've taken out everyone in the bathrooms nearby, leaving all of the other bar patrons untouched.

So this goes on for about another hour, with him dropping his ashtray, money and gun more times than I can count. It was some of the highest unintentional comedy of any evening I've had down here.

I guess I shouldn't knock it before I try it, so next time I visit the Witt's Inn, I'll give Deer Hunter a try after I've got a few drinks in me. The only game I've played after drinkin' a little bit more than I should is Ms. Pac-Man, and let me tell you, even Ms. Pac-Man is hot after I got a few drinks in me. Luckily, my friends stopped me before I tried to hit on her and get her number.

That doesn't go down as the weirdest thing I've seen here though. I keep forgetting to write about this, and I figure now is better time than any.

A few weeks ago, I was getting out of my car after getting back to the house from seeing a movie. As I'm stepping out of my car, I notice a man drive by that has a huge, shit-eating grin on his face. He's driving incredibly slow, so it wasn't hard to see why he was this happy.

As he drives by me, he's vigorously brushing his bottom teeth, sans toothpaste. I'm talking like going back and forth so hard I thought he was going to start a fire in his mouth. Either the dude is a big fan of dental hygiene, or he was incredibly cracked out of his mind.

I'm guessing the latter is probably right.